I have accidentally created a thought process and it helps me see through the “fluff” when faced with tough life events or happenings.
For example, my brother died last year and my mom was recovering from breast cancer, our cat passed away a few months ago and my dad had a mild stroke 10 days ago. Add to this, work demands and life being a human (hence a human being), is stressful.
In my head, I have a way of dealing with these happenings: I can dwell in the happening space and try to make sense of the chatter in my head or I can go into a headspace of possibility, such as now that my dad is not well, what can I bring or offer to make his situation better? If I succeed, it means I have found new potential within myself.
If I choose to go into despair mode, my next step is to disappear in the sense of escaping or disappearing from what keeps me connected to others, which is love, warmth and laughter. While many of the hard-hitting events over the last year were not “there and then” cause for laughter, by staying in touch with those who really matter to me, I can see the light.
Staying in the happening mode itself is not a bad thing either. Instead of fleeing from the moment, it helps to live through the mixed emotions and honour the feelings. If one finds clarity in this mode, then naturally one would shift to possibility and potential.
Similarly, it may be useful to dwell in the despair mode (or bounce back between despair, happening and possibility) and unpack at your own pace, the sadness within.
We are not human doings but human beings. Time for quiet contemplation and being is powerful. It is fashionable to be seen as busy. I am all for a movement of frequent quiet moments. For me, this provides the mental space to be in the right place for that moment whatever the happening.